


Not Safe For Work

by D3moira



Category: Frozen (2013)
Genre: Established Relationship, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, One Shot Collection, Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-17
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-05-27 06:20:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,643
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6273154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/D3moira/pseuds/D3moira
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Anna gets wet. Kristoff gets mad. Elsa gets even madder. (Series of one-shots based on Kristoff and Anna being dorks.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. not safe for work.

 

"Anna, I said _no_." Kristoff ran his hands down his face, not daring to peek at his sleigh. When Anna asked to join Kristoff on his ice harvesting trip, he had said no. More than once. Clearly, simply, _emphatically_ , no. It wasn't fun work, not for a princess like Anna.  While it made him happy, and he enjoyed it, there was too much he needed to take care of, from axes to saws to loose snaps of ice that could hit her and -- no.

The scar that lingered on her chest, the blue tint to her nose and finger tips... He couldn't stand to think of it. It was hard enough first hearing about those permanent scars, from her sister --  and he didn't blame Elsa. People did stupid things, hurt others, but he'd never forgive himself if Anna suffered because of his negligence.

But he couldn't _coddle_ her, either. The princess would be off to the mountains on her own, in one of her silken dresses. It'd be just like last time, except no sister to rescue, and decidedly  _clearer_ images of what she looked like under the dress.

Wait, how'd he even get to _that_?

"I'll be fine! I've been in the mountains before, I've fought ice monsters -- "

"Throwing a snowball doesn't count as fighting ice monsters."

" -- what's the _worst_ that could happen?"

"Famous last words." Kristoff sighed, settling onto the sleigh. In truth, he didn't mind the thought of Anna with him in the mountains. With enough blankets, a small fire, it might even be -- romantic? He shook the idea out of his head, snatching up the reigns.

"I win!"

"You know I can't say no to you." He muttered, urging Sven on. It took all of two seconds for Anna to scoot closer, wriggling into the space between his arm and chest. He kept a straight face, though the corners of his lips twitched upwards. She was  _really_ determined. "Y'right there, termite?"

"Mmm -- hey. Termite?"

"You burrow like one. It was supposed to be -- " Flattering? _No._ A cute nickname? _Ugh._

"If you don't want me _burrowing_ \-- " Anna glanced up .at him, her cheek pressed to his chest. "Then be less _warm_." Her tone was emphatic, as if stating the obvious. Kristoff could only mock-sneer, to which she stuck out her tongue. Though he could have sworn she muttered something about 'burrowing', he dismissed it. He had to focus.

It wasn't till a good twenty minutes later they arrived. The short distance was fortunate for the princess's sake. Some days he had to travel an hour or two, in darkness, but he wouldn't let her know that. Not unless she insisted on coming along for another trip. Or, if she proved to be a hazard, as he suspected.

When the sleigh pulled to near-stop, Anna was the first one out. She grabbed whatever was sharpest and swung it over her shoulder (nearly falling from the lack of balance). Kristoff climbed out, rushing to her side. Though she refused to allow him to carry it, he at least stopped her from falling over.

"What do you know about ice cutting?"

"... Kristoff, I don't want to sound _mean_ , but it's -- it's ice cutting." _How hard could it be?_ That went unspoken, and a younger, less friendly Kristoff may have written the princess off as spoiled. Which she was, there was no doubt about that. But the flicker of concern that passed through her expression, the raised mitten, the sheer  _oops_ -ness of her teeth at her lip -- he could forgive it.

           "I... sorry. I meant. No. But... It can't be that difficult to learn, can it?"

"Yeah, it is actually." Kristoff sighed heartily, his arms crossed over his chest. "Where do you cut first, at the edge, or in the center?"

"Trick question!"

"Which side do you start on, south-west, or north-east?"

"Trick question!"

"How wide do you cut the ice blocks?"

"Trick question!"

" _None_ of those were trick questions."

"Trick question!"

"That wasn't even a question -- _don't_ say trick question." He had already set a hand to her mouth, eyes wide. "I'm fine for you to come with, but -- this is work Anna.With sharp tools, and freezing cold water -- "

"My scar won't -- "

"Anna, don't argue with me. Please?" Kristoff leaned down, pressing a kiss to her forehead. He lingered, his hand at the back of her neck, the other taking the saw from her hands. After a moment, with tension dissipated, he stepped back. "Watch me first. Then, if you really want to have a go, _maybe_ \-- "

And with that, he stepped towards the ice. Years of practice made it deceptively easy-looking, as he scored lines along the center of the pond. His eyes were all he needed, able to discern flaws and thinner sections. He cast a look around, out of habit, to make sure no one was around. Anna was standing on the bank, eyes wide, tightly wrapped in her winter cloak.

First incision.

       (Correct about depth, as he expected.)

               "Go Kristoff!"

Kristoff nearly forgot Anna was there, until she started cheering him on. The ice harvester cast her a bemused smile, eyes narrowed. "I need to concentrate, Anna."

"Yeah, concentrate like you mean it!"

      Sven cooed along with her.

             "Cut that ice!"

With little effort, he drew the saw back. He sucked at his inner cheek, slowly realizing how terrible an idea this had been. Work was work to him; with Anna here, he wanted to spend time with her. And, this was no way to do it. He sighed, head rolling back. "Okay, okay, I get it. C'mere."

" _Yes_!"

Anna slid over to him, barely keeping upright. She looked too much like a newborn deer, all elbows and knees. He caught her elbow, righting her posture before she could fall. Once stable, he allowed her to stand on her own.

"Okay, just -- saw. You saw me doing it." He stepped back, hands hovering at her waist and elbow. The first grip she held was more similar to fencing, which made him groan.  "Anna, you shouldn't hold a saw like that -- "

A scoff sounded from her as she planted the tip of the blade into the ice, not where he'd been cutting. In a _thinner_ spot.

"Anna, no -- " His hands went to the blade, but she'd already thrown her weight behind it. Reflexively, Kristoff stepped back. He tried to take Anna with him, but she clung to the blade, too proud of her work. She'd cut into the ice, yes, but -- 

"I know what I'm doo -- ooh!"

Anna went face-first into the water, the saw slipping through the surface as it cracked. Kristoff reacted almost instantly, onto his knees, hand at her waist, nothing but pure instinct at work. She was in and out in an instant, coughing and spluttering on the surface of the ice next to him.

It happened to  _everyone_ , and it was near the end of autumn. Not yet time for the harsher winter weather. That didn't stop him from carrying her straight to the sleigh, stripping her out of the cloak, the wet dress, and throwing his thick vest over her (once she was _drier_ ). No time for blushing or awkwardness, not as he layered on blanket after blanket. Not with how blue her nose had gone; her scar glistening brightly on her chest, between wet slips of fabric. It was then he realized she was gasping,  _hyperventilating._

** "Cold, cold, cold." **

"Calm down, breath. You should have _listened_." Kristoff was already back in his sleigh, leaving the saw, the cut ice, _whatever_ behind. Wet clothes were useless to him, especially as Anna shivered in his arms. They were on their back back to Arendelle, with Kristoff painfully aware of how  _similar_ this was, to the point of haunting.

"Y-You said cut the ice."

He withheld a comment, not wanting to argue with her. Instead, he pressed a kiss to her forehead. Sven was smart enough to guide himself, so that Kristoff could keep one arm around the girl in his lap. As they approached town, Kristoff unlatched Sven's harness. so torn between anger and fear. It had been his fault -- she shouldn't have even tried. The difference was, there was no magic kiss, no Hans -- a good _and_ bad thing.

Minutes later, he was skidding through the castle gates, heavy breathing and ragged appearance enough to garner looks. Then the maids noticed Anna, pale and shivering in his arms. No one bothered to ask where her dress had gone; everyone  _knew_ what had happened, in enough detail to forgive the transgression. Kristoff refused to hand her off, and instead rushed to the nearest fireplace with Anna in his arms.

"You'll be fine -- "

Anna smiled, rosy cheeks still tinted with too-cold skin. Spiralling white lines ran along her arteries, now Kristoff thought about it. He remained with her this time, as a new outfit was fetched for her, coal heated pots placed between blankets. He vaguely remembered his father's passing, much in the same way as now. He had been numb then; now he was anything but.

"Anna -- !"

      The queen approached, icy skirts between tight fists. "What were you doing!"

"Proving Kristoff wrong -- I can harvest ice." Anna mumbled, the amusement in her tone disconcerting. Kristoff knew she would be fine. The water had been cold, enough to put her into _shock_ , but not enough to do real damage. But i he hadn't been as quick, if she had fallen on the saw, if he hadn't been so close, if she had hit her head, if --

"Ice?" Elsa snapped, eyes narrowed at Kristoff. "You let her try and cut _ice_?"

Kristoff opened and closed his mouth, eyes too focused on the ginger-haired girl in his arms. "It was an accident. And, she's fine, just -- cold." He peeled the blanket back enough to show the tip of her sprawling, icy scar. It had faded, and continued to before their eyes. Anna practically rose from her frosty state, quicker than Kristoff had expected.

"R-Round two?" Anna chattered out, the blankets cuddled up to her chin.  


A chorus of 'no!' sounded from Elsa and Kristoff, both staring at the princess. "You are  _really_  not safe for work. Not with _ice,_ anyway." Anna was alive; Anna wasn't frozen; Anna was cute, but not to be trusted with saws or ice harvesting.


	2. ravage is a good word.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things could have gone a little differently that first night at Oaken's barn.

Anna had no idea how to get to the north mountain. She didn’t even know which way was north. Even with the recently acquired winter outfit, she could be stumbling around for hours,  _days_ , before she found someone else, let alone _Elsa_.

A deal had to be struck, and ~~a sideguide~~  a guide had to be found.

The snow was thick on the ground, and with each step, a _crunch_ sounded. Anna tried her best to remain upright, her hands balled up in the thick travelling cloak she had purchased only moments ago. It was fortunate, with the dress and boots so nicely fit to her form.

While lucky, that couldn’t be her main concern. The princess needed the help of _whoever_ had just been thrown out of the store. The bag of rope, carrots and tools sat across her shoulder, and a determined frown split her soft features. This was a matter of life or death – sort of. Elsa could easily freeze everything, forever, and then it would be a matter of life or death.

Right now it was a matter of ‘please unfreeze things?’, yet she still needed _his_ help.

That’s why she quickly bought whatever he’d been after, as well as a bag to offer it in. Even if he had been somewhat intimidating, she could see where he was coming from. Sort of. As a princess, money was rarely a problem. But for the people of her kingdom, she could imagine how funds could sometimes be scarce. So it was a kindness, as well as a bartering chip.

How could he say no?

“Nice duet.”

“This is _such_ a terrible idea – ”

"Shh, that isn’t what you said.“

"Anna, I wasn’t even singing –”

"You didn’t know my name, either.“

Kristoff shot Anna a bemused half-smile, elbows propped in the throws of hay. She stared back, her hands framing her hips. It was then she realized the bag over her shoulder existed, and slipped back into her role.

"I need your help to get to the north mountains.” A throw, as awful as last time, landed the bag of carrots and clothes on Kristoff’s stomach. He had enough warning this time to catch them, still staring at Anna with thinly-veiled confusion.

“I – yeah. Right. Okay. No.” Kristoff slumped back into the hay, red in the cheeks. “Not doing this.”

“You _promised_ you’d try!”

“I can’t believe you dragged me out here – ”

“I didn’t _da-rag_ you.”

Kristoff peeked at her between narrowed lids, half-scoffing. “Okay, so I came along willingly, but – a barn?”

“It’s,” Anna approached, smiling at the surrounding wood and hay, “homey.”

“I’m starting to think you _were_ raised in a barn.”

Anna nudged him with the toe of her boot, lips skewed to the side. “So what’ll it take for you to help me get to the north mountain, if the tools and carrots aren’t enough?” And she waited, patiently, for Kristoff to sit back up, to meet her eye, to understand she _wasn’t_ letting this go. It had started as a joke, breathy and amused after their last – _encounter_.

Anna had suggested that they return to the sauna, for old times’ sake. He’d joked that he should have asked for more that night, than a rope and some tools. He had created a monster. The pair of them had just learned to form complete sentences while the other was naked, and here they were, in a barn, with Anna looming over him.

“Do I _really_ – ”

“Yes, really.”

“Sexy sex.” Kristoff punctuated that with a mock growl (which failed miserably).

Anna fell into the pile of hay, face first, letting out a groan of annoyance. She remained motionless until Kristoff reached over to her with one gloved hand, prodding her side.

“You are the _worst_.” Anna complained through a mouthful of straw. She pulled out chunks, tongue flicking angrily out much like a lizard.

“What d'you _want_ me to say?” Kristoff had one arm framed on his leg, the other for balancing his weight.

It was as if he had summoned an alter ego, Anna melted away to reveal some vague attempt at a vixen. She wriggled her shoulder, her eyebrow, anything that she _could_ , and pouted her lips. “I don’t know – ravage is a good word.”

“Ravage, huh?” Kristoff had to look away, blushing as he did so. They’d had sex, yes, but he wasn’t some raging sex fiend. But – he’d try. Sort of. For _her_. A centering breath passed through his lips, focusing his mind, and trying to find some way to look at her without laughing.

“Oh sir, whatever could I pay you with~?”

Kristoff laughed, his arms wound around her waist. “Honestly, I just want you, and don’t give me that look.” A bite to her throat, scattered with kisses. “Hay is itchy, it smells like farm animals, and you’d freeze to death. Why don’t we go home, and I’ll see about the _ravaging_ then, when I don’t have to stress about you  _being_ cold.”

“You could keep me warm?” Anna suggested, lips turned up at the corners.

“I could, but wouldn’t a nice, warm bed be all the better for that?” Kristoff rose from the hay, pulling Anna with him. It was then he heard the door smack open, the entire thing filled with the owner of the Oaken Trader.

“Yoo hoo – this isn’t a motel. Kindly _leave_ before I’m forced to escort you myself.”

“Yessir!” The pair rushed in unison, a mix of giggles and nervous energy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Originally, I wanted to write this as a serious NSFW piece, but the idea of either of them being unbridled passionate noodle heads the first night they met his just too unrealistic. Instead, it turned into fluffy established!Kristanna with failed attempts at “roleplaying”. I may write the original outline properly in future, but it will require some serious reworks and character warping. >__>;)

**Author's Note:**

> Someone asked for 'NSFW Kristanna' and I wrote this. Yes, I wrote this whole drabble for the sake of a joke, and it got serious, goddamnit. Just pretend they do the do. One fact is I have a persistent headcanon that Anna RETAINS a scar on her chest, in the form of a snowflake. She also keeps the white streak. It's more interesting than 'she was 100% cured'.


End file.
